Portraits in the Raw

I shot these portraits in JPEG format as well as RAW, just to experiment with RAW. There are eight pictures altogether, but I've decided to select four for the montage. These are the JPEG versions.

Click on the montage to get a better view.


Kevin is not really a violinist.

* * * * *

I find it somewhat hilarious that the hype in digital cameras today seems to be about, among other things, 'face detection technology'. Does this imply there are photographers who cannot detect a face when they see one?

Truly the digital camera is becoming more consumerised and new technologies are being developed for those who can't be bothered to learn to take photos, but still expect good results. Kudos to the camera makers and all those brilliant engineers; shame on those who are paying good money for these gadgets.

Unfortunately, my trusty Minolta cannot be fixed (because Sony bought over Minolta and no longer manufactures the lens that needs to be replaced), so we need to buy a new camera. But the recent spate of uber-amateur cameras makes me cringe.

However, my disillusionment is nearing its end. To my surprise and delight, Nikon has just released a digital compact with a full range of manual features, just like the Minolta. Introducing, at an unbelievable recommended retail price of RM 1388, the Nikon Coolpix P5000:


* * * * *

It's much harder to take photos with an SLR due to the immense amount of manual work, but the pictures, when they come out as envisioned, are beyond compare and worth all the ruined shots.

Truly the SLR has opened up realms I never imagined were possible. And to take photography beyond the limits of the digital compact, here's my wish list, in no particular order:


AF Nikkor 50mm f/1.8D
Price: RM 428.00

A fixed-focus (non-zoom) lens, but with such a wide aperture (f/1.8) that shooting portraits and in low light conditions will be a breeze.


AF DX Fisheye-Nikkor 10.5mm f/2.8G ED
Price: RM 2598.00

Its 10.5mm super-wide angle makes 180-degree photography possible. Should be a blast trying this out on landscapes and tight interiors.


TTL Remote Cord SC-29 (1.5m)
Price: RM 358.00

For those times when I don't want the flash on the camera, i.e. for special effects and creative approaches like side-lighting.

(The image above is that of the SC-28 remote cord, but I don't think the SC-29 looks worlds apart!)


AF VR Zoom-Nikkor 80-400mm f/4.5-5.6D ED
Price: RM 6288.00

My present telephoto lens goes up to 200mm. This dream lens (which, by the way, costs more than my entire SLR set of one camera, two lenses and one flash unit) is for birds, F1 cars, safari and those days when you see a tiger in the jungle but don't dare get too close.

* * * * *

There is an account in the Bible in which Jesus is asked if the people should pay taxes to the government or not.

And I can't help wondering if anyone ever went directly to Jesus to ask him to pay up. It's a conversation that might, I imagine, go like this:

IRB Auditor: So Jesus, Caesar wants you to pay up.
Jesus: Is he taxing everything I own?
IRB Auditor: More or less.
Jesus: Well, since I own him, go ask which part of himself he wants to contribute to the treasury.

Mich adds two lines for Jesus:

"Hey, I'm not even asking for tax from you guys!"

"And how about damage-control? I'm sure there were more trees and grass when I first made it--even after the flood..."


Elsewhere in the Bible, this rather lucid exchange between Peter and Jesus offers an intriguing perspective:

After Jesus and his disciples arrived in Capernaum, the collectors of the two-drachma tax came to Peter and asked, "Doesn't your teacher pay the temple tax?"

"Yes, he does," he replied.

When Peter came into the house, Jesus was the first to speak. "What do you think, Simon?" he asked. "From whom do the kings of the earth collect duty and taxes--from their own sons or from others?"

"From others," Peter answered.

"Then the sons are exempt," Jesus said to him. "But so that we may not offend them, go to the lake and throw out your line. Take the first fish you catch; open its mouth and you will find a four-drachma coin. Take it and give it to them for my tax and yours."

--Matthew 17:24-27 (NIV)

The underlying comedy (or 'divine joke') seems to lie in the fact that Jesus is King over all the kings of the earth. And what seems like a miraculous solution for tax evasion is really nothing less than the truth that Jesus owns everything; the fish and the coin and Peter and the Roman treasury are all in His dominion.

* * * * *

Leaving for Singapore tomorrow.

Staying for a week and watching The Phantom of the Opera next Saturday.

Looking forward to meeting up with some old friends on the island.

Will miss some friends here. Miss my dogs. Miss my baby.

And my dogs will miss me.

* * * * *


I tried looking for a photo, and found many. But none were good enough. That is to say, sometimes the heart tries in vain to find a picture that conveys what it feels. Looking at all those photos brought me back to when we experienced those moments.

There's the anger, the jealousy, the resentment, the pain, the tears, the tension, the long hours, the unspoken hopes and dreams and fears. But also the glimpses of exultation, of passion, of glorious mornings, of peace, of laughter, of hopes and dreams come true and fears overcome. Of joy, of love.

I tried looking for a photo, and found many.

But none were good enough.

* * * * *

(Technically, I began this entry at 1.58 p.m. But I just left the window open and various thoughts of the day flowed into it. It's like long exposure; you see movement.)

Hari Ini dalam Sejarah (Part 3): Menjalara

(I'm typing this at 1.00 p.m. on Saturday, 14 April. But it will be dated 13 April because this is about something that happened on 13 April, three years ago.)


So we made it to the Quarter Finals of the Wira Debate, going up against SMK Bandar Menjalara at SMK Bandar Tun Razak (in Cheras; whee!). Danial knew some of the people on the team, as he lives in the vicinity of Bandar Menjalara.


In the previous episode, I forgot to mention that we did our preparation at Dinesh's. Some memorable things that happened on that day include:

-two debaters dropping by KLCC during lunchtime to catch the free organ recital
-two debaters listening to U2's 'Beautiful Day' towards the end of the day
-one debater making a fool of himself by asking for the bill at an Indian curry house
-one debater accessing certain scenes in the movie 8 Mile


This time around, we set up base at Kishan's house. It's a huge house and we kick-started the day with breakfast at Burger King in Bangsar Baru, then walked to his place. His mother is an excellent host and cook!

The motion was 'Child Rapists Should be Sentenced to Death' and we were the Opposition. (By the way, this trend continued such that we alternated between Government and Opposition each round.) It was something that had very strong legal and moral connotations about it, and for that reason, I asked my uncle (who is a lawyer) for some resources.

He gave me a whole stack of books but in the end, we only used a line or two from the Law. But I must say, it was probably that line that won us the debate, not so much because it was a good point, but because it threw our opponents a little off the trail. And in debates, a little is a lot.

This time, Dinesh returned to his comfort zone as First Speaker and, probably determined to redeem himself, delivered his best speech yet. I remained Second. The wild card this time was Danial, who took on the mantle of Third Speaker quite against his will. Nonetheless, we had some confidence in that decision, probably because of his experience working with children- and youth-related NGOs.

On that day, there was barely an audience, save for the reserve debaters and teachers of both teams. We did much practice on vocal projection during the quarantine; even as I write this, I am reminded of the time we lost to Seri Hartamas, and how we frantically pasted random snippets of facts on paper for Dinesh (or was it Danial?) and scribbled away... just because we didn't prepare for both sides. We were Government, but we only prepared for Opposition. We never made this mistake again.

It will always be remembered as part of comic debate history, that Pn Jaya kept pacing up and down the library (the venue for the round) towards the end of the debate. She was so worried and couldn't keep still; we told her it worried us, so she promised she'd never do it again. And she never did.

But this was, all things considered, truly our most difficult round. Although Dinesh nailed the first 'bout', I wasn't entirely up to form and the atmosphere was more tense than the previous round. Danial started off fine, but then got stuck at some point and stared at his notes for a few moments. Thankfully, he recollected himself and went on to deliver the best 'comeback' rebuttal of all. Indeed, he focused more on his knowledge of the context (and less on the content) of the motion, drawing from his NGO knowledge and experience.

Although my Reply Speech wandered somewhat with perhaps a little too much emphasis on a metaphor of dealing with a tree from the roots upwards, we won the round (Best Speaker went to Menjalara's Third Speaker). And we knew we finally had the right speaker line-up, although Danial and I had a long way to go if we still wanted to win the tournament!



The present VI team won their first round today (13 April). Technically, it's the Second Round, but they got a 'bye' due to last year's finish as Runners-Up. They were up against Desa Perdana on the motion 'Malaysian Teenagers Ape the West Rather than Follow Their Own Culture'. Kok Kin said the motion made him cringe.

Thankfully, the motions to come are much more debatable as they are centred on issues of comtemporary and national significance, with much emphasis on areas of proposed policy change.

Adli spoke first, followed by Edward and Avinash, who was voted Best Speaker. Andrew and Aqram stayed in the reserves.

Some Thoughts on Photography and Literature

Photography can both build and break barriers. A photographer could hide behind his/her camera. Or he/she could let others handle the camera, allowing them to share their unique perspectives and let their creative sides loose or, in the case of an SLR, to have a shot at 'being a pro'.

One of the most important things I've learnt: sometimes you cannot just take what you see. What caught your eye in real life may not do the same in a picture. The idea is to convey the emotion and/or thought, even if it means altering the subject and/or composition.

I suppose in photography, as in literature, a lot is about observing and then sharing your perspective on the observation.

In terms of writing, I hardly produce anything 'new', but only things I've heard or experienced. Perhaps on paper they appear in different forms, that's all.

...You say I am repeating
Something I have said before. I shall say it again.

--T.S. Eliot, Stave III from 'East Coker'

And the innovation is not in seeing something new, but in seeing with new eyes something you've always known. To see something fresh in the familiar.

What I did with RM 2500 in MPH vouchers...

I figured it wouldn't be a bad idea to list all the books I bought with the RM 2500 MPH gave me in prize vouchers for the MPH Search last year. Basically, they gave me that much money to be spent within a period of three months, so you can imagine the kind of shopping I did!

In order to help me finish the vouchers while they were still valid, I stuck by two principles:
1) Buy books for other people
2) Buy expensive books of the sort I would otherwise never dream of buying

Some of these friends only replied with their 'wish list' after the deadline, so I didn't buy those books with the vouchers; I still bought them though, because a promise is a promise!

* * * * *

The list that follows is of the books I bought (in chronological order, more or less) for others with the vouchers, with recipient in parentheses:

Glorious Appearing by Tim Lahaye and Jerry Jenkins (Kevin)
Corinne Bailey Rae - audio CD (LS)
The Cloudspotter's Guide by Gavin Pretor-Pinney (LS)
Ginger, Garlic and Green Onion Cookbook (Mum)
Papaya as Medicine (Mum)
Mushrooms in 60 Ways (Mum)
Mini After-Work Cookbook (Mum)
Five Have Plenty of Fun by Enid Blyton (Sara)
Five on a Secret Trail by Enid Blyton (Sara)
Night by Elie Wiesel (Denise)
The Pact by Jodi Picoult (Cass)
Ideas and Opinions: Collected Essays of Albert Einstein (Mrs Loo)
The Get Fuzzy Experience by Darby Conley (Why On)
Calvin & Hobbes: Scientific Progress Goes "Boink" by Bill Watterson (Mich)
Five Go to Billycock Hill by Enid Blyton (Sara)
Alternative Cures by Bill Gottlieb - down payment for order (Dad)
The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis (Tien)
A Room Called Remember by Frederick Buechner (Pn Jaya; decided to buy it for her as she abducted my copy and loved it so much)


There were also a number of books I shared with Simon as gifts for the school Christian Fellowships/Unions involved in the KL/PJ SCF Leaders' Convention this year:

The Fight by John White (SBU CU)
Ordinary Men Called by God by James Montgomery Boice (CHS CF)
Called to be God's Leader by Henry and Richard Blackaby (Taman SEA CF)
Steadfast in Your Word - reflections by Martin Luther (PESS CF)
The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis (MBS CF)
I Believe by Alister McGrath (VI CU)


Some of the vouchers I gave to Miss Shanti, Sara and the Church. All in all, I spent about RM 1400 on others.

* * * * *

The remaining RM 1100, I spent on myself. These are the books, and the reasons I bought them:

Mister God, This is Anna by Fynn
Little girl and a whole lot of faith. Go figure.

Selected Books of C.S. Lewis
The Pilgrim's Regress, Prayer: Letters to Malcolm, Reflections on the Psalms, Till We Have Faces and The Abolition of Man... all in one volume! (I've already read Abolition, but never mind that!)

The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
A book I'd been meaning to get my hands on ever since I saw it for the first time in MPH 1 Utama. Discipleship has been a recurring theme last year.

A Room Called Remember by Frederick Buechner
I've also been meaning to read Buechner, after coming across some quotes in Philip Yancey's books. Indeed this is a book that is worth every sen paid.

The Challenge of Ethnicity
and
Readings on Ethnic Relations in a Multicultural Society
Two books I bought to help me with an essay I was supposed to write for the Perdana Leadership Foundation's essay-writing competition last December. In the end, I decided I'd written enough essays last year and thought I'd just take a break.

(Some trivia: I actually read through a number of the essays/papers during the six-hour ceramah amali prior to getting the 'L' licence.)

Poetry Speaks
A collection of poems (in hardcover coffee-table book form) by the who's who of 20th (and a little of late 19th, I think) Century poetry, read by the poets themselves on CD! Worth the RM 148, most of all to hear T.S. Eliot read 'The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock'.

Introduction to Augustine
Originally meant for a Christmas party that was cancelled at the last minute. I'm still wondering what to do with it.

Relativity by Albert Einstein
A hardcover, concise exposition on one of the most groundbreaking theories of the 20th Century, by the genius himself... for only RM 23! Need I say more?

The Creation by E.O. Wilson
At first I thought E.O. Wilson was writing as a Christian to Christians on why conservation of the environment is an integral part of the faith. I later realised, halfway through the book, that he was writing as an atheist. It is, nonetheless, a sound book, scientifically and theologically, by this eminent biologist.

From So Simple a Beginning: Four Great Books of Charles Darwin collected by E.O. Wilson
I have heard it said that an enemy can sometimes offer the most constructive criticism of your work. I don't agree with Charles Darwin on some fundamental elements of existence, but I figured it would be good to read this most revolutionary scientist and keen biologist, for my line of work may very much resemble his someday.

U2 by U2
At RM 170 for the book, a poster and the U2 18 Singles CD, this was a steal. Probably one of the best biographies around, simply because the entire text is taken from interviews with the band, so the words are 100% theirs. Offers an incredible insight into the beginnings of the 'greatest band on earth', their songs and what keeps them together and thriving after nearly 30 years of 'making music with your high school buddies'.

(By the way, I already have the U2 18 Singles CD--bought the version that came with a live DVD and booklet--so I intend to give it away. Any takers?)

I Believe by Alister McGrath
A book on the Apostles' Creed by this eminent Oxford scientist-theologian. I think it's advantageous to be interdisciplinary in terms of education and interests; I straddle the literary and scientific worlds, and I think it's going to stay that way for some time. Adds a whole new dimension of fun and life to... life!

The Reluctant Politician by Ooi Kee Beng
Don't ask me why I have a book on Tun Dr Ismail on my bookshelf; I'm not one for politics, as interdisciplinary as I may be. Just so happens The Star had a discount voucher for the book, and I thought the book might come in handy someday.

The Language of God by Francis Collins
The head of the Human Genome Project, also an outspoken Christian, discusses the compatibility of faith and science. Along the way, he invents a word which is worth the RM 90 spent on the book, and will probably set the tone for my career if I become a biologist: BioLogos.

Sister Act - DVD
Don't recall watching the movie, but since Li-Shia has been telling me all about its wonderful arrangement of 'I Will Follow You', I decided to try it out. RM 30 for an original DVD... not too bad lah. :-P

Follow Him?

Tien just SMS-ed:

"I have decided to follow Jesus, I have decided to follow Jesus; I have decided to follow Jesus - no turning back, no turning back." If we cannot decide today, let us honour yesterday's decision.


Much background information on that song here.

I have decided to follow Jesus,
I have decided to follow Jesus,
I have decided to follow Jesus,
No turning back, no turning back.

The world behind me, the cross before me,
The world behind me, the cross before me,
The world behind me, the cross before me,
No turning back, no turning back.


Maybe we are drawn to follow Him because He has always been--and always is--following us, something that is captured (at least on a metaphorical level) in U2's 'I Will Follow'.

If you walk away, walk away
I walk away, walk away
I will follow.

If you walk away, walk away
I walk away, walk away
I will follow.
I will follow.

Boy meets Man

All I can say about my STPM results is that, as Soo Tian remarked, they represent my interests; with the exception of PA, I scored in the subjects I love most:

Pengajian Am: A
Biology: A
Literature in English: A
Chemistry: B+
Mathematics: B+

But that is not the point of this entry.

* * * * *

It's not always that an entry grips me emotionally, but, going through the thoughts I'm about to share here, tears are beginning to well up in my eyes.

There's a lot of the past, a bit of losing and finding oneself... and a whole lot of knowing this journey isn't over.

Here goes.

* * * * *

It was fitting to lunch with Li-Shia and Denise on the day we received our STPM results. This morning, while in the shower, I realised that the two of them represent, more than anyone else, my Form Six experience and some of the quantum leaps I made then.

It was in getting to know Li-Shia that I realised just how different I am from others. And it was in getting to know Denise than I learnt, not just to accept, but in fact to appreciate, that difference.


In the last week of March, I asked Denise to help me edit a story I was working on. In her e-mail reply, she said, among other things;

"But then again, if this is ur style, by all means go ahead, u've come up with a (weird) new genre of combining ur philosophy, thoughts and a story all in one."

I will always owe the Dino-debt to her. Who knew weird could be a style? Who knew U2's inability to play their instruments would be their greatest asset? I'm glad to have found a friend in her, both of us bananas (although, until today, she insists I'm no banana), and perhaps in some subtle way she rekindled the story-teller in me.


Sometime last year, on her blog, she wrote something to the effect of, "It was in the VI that boys became men." I can't remember exactly what it was, but the gist of it was that.

Just now, while searching her blog, the closest I could get to that was the entry on Sports Day last year. And I stumbled upon two interesting thoughts:

It was no use being in school at 9 that morning when things were starting at 2p.m..
It was no use staying back till 6.30p.m. the day before.
It was no use walking to all the way to MYDIN to get supplies.
It was no use messing up the VEB room.

The irony is that, this year, I would say this of my experience:

It was worth being in school at 8-something that morning although things only started at 2 p.m.
It was worth staying back till 8 p.m. the day before.
It was worth walking all the way to MYDIN (and Petaling Street!) to get supplies.
It was worth messing up the classroom that was once L6A2.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: There's not much difference in the teachers and students in the VI that make people say it's a good school; it's the true VI spirit that makes the whole experience worth while.

And when I read that, my eyes watered. A little.


The last two years were significantly different from the rest of my time at the VI. Perhaps Denise is right, that it is here that boy meets man, and in those last two years, we began to realise that we wouldn't be boys all the time.

Perhaps also it was because Form Six isn't homogeneous. There are girls, most obviously, but the main thing is that the majority of the population are new to the school. VI boys return to Form Six; the others don't.

I went in with a reputation; many teachers and students of the VI knew me, at least by name. And this reputation called me to help handle the registration of Form Six students, resulted in MUET lessons that sounded like 'Praise Ben' sessions (ever since the day I gave a speech on Pn Jaya's request and shocked most of my classmates), accompanied me during the VEB interview (after which William told me, "You set the bar really high."), and nearly turned me into the President of the proposed Reading Club.

In retrospect, that reputation (presently at some legendary proportions) only grew during my days as a teacher at the VI. Yet I am glad to have lost myself in Form Six, am grateful for the VEB controversies and thankful that I didn't decide to pursue the Reading Club.

All in all, I realise that my greatest successes came when I was most myself; when I didn't give a damn (pardon the profanity) what people thought of me. That is not to say those were times when I ignored criticism; rather, those were times when I decided that certain suggestions by others were good, but not meant for me. There were times when many other roads opened up before me, and I am glad I walked none but the path I was always meant to walk.

Ultimately, my time in Form Six was different because for the first time, I began to understand what it meant to be a Victorian. At this very moment, today, even as I type this, I realise that in the VI, boys don't become men. After they leave the school, they become Old Boys. And they remain Old Boys.

The VI is not bound by time; it is immortal.


But it should also be noted that I'm more boy than man, and still finding myself. Perhaps it can also be blamed on the U2 influence. Their first album was called Boy, and listening to the copy I borrowed from the British Council, I realise it was a debut album full of thoughts about growing up.

U2 never really grew up. They made a career out of a high-school friendship, and their latest album, How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb recounts all the things that constitute their signature sound some 27 years ago. On Boy, there's a remarkable song called 'Into the Heart';

Into the heart of a child
I stay awhile
But I can go there.

Into the heart of a child
I can smile
I can't go there.

Into the heart, into the heart of a child
I can't go back
I can't stay awhile.
Into the heart.

Into the heart.

And now, even as I am growing up, I want to be able to say, as U2 did in their song 'City of Blinding Lights' (from the Atomic Bomb album), that "Time won't take the boy out of this man."


It was also fitting that on that day, we watched Pan's Labyrinth, which is probably the best movie in cinemas now.

One thing about the movie that stood out, was that it was about having just enough strength to face the fears and realities of life. And now, moving into this next phase, all I can ask for is 'just enough' strength to survive each day and make the most of this leg of the adventure.

When I told Miss Shanti my results, she replied, "Whatever the calling b."

She probably meant, "Whatever the calling, Ben." But it could also have been, "Whatever the calling be." Both mean something, so maybe I'll just think of it as a hybrid of two distinct meanings.


And as it appears, my calling is to be a scientist; not dressed in a white coat in a land called Laboratory, but an intrepid explorer in a world called Creation.

Two Thoughts on Easter

Wasn't a very holy Holy Week for me. But here are two thoughts from some of my betters.


The road less travelled is a lonely road. I'm still glad some are willing to tag along. Some are no where in sight. We are all preoccupied. There's so much which demands our attention. As humans, we can only focus on a limited and often only a handful of things. No messiah complex here. Though the temptation is real.

--Sivin


I find that Holy Week is draining; no matter how many times I have lived through his crucifixion, my anxiety about his resurrection is undiminished--I am terrified that, this year, it won't happen; that, that year, it didn't. Anyone can be sentimental about the Nativity; any fool can feel like a Christian at Christmas. But Easter is the main event; if you don't believe in the resurrection, you're not a believer.

--John Irving, A Prayer for Owen Meany (quoted in Philip Yancey, The Jesus I Never Knew)


It is an interesting that Easter is juxtaposed with Ching Ming in the 'Spring' of every year.

Death is undiminished, but not undefeated.

Praise Him.

Ants in a Flower

I don't know what these flowers are called, but there is currently one in bloom in the garden, and this morning, some ants were busy collecting pollen. (Or so I would assume; I don't think ants play hide and seek or maypole, do they?)

* * * * *

A few days ago, Uncle Rudy Wong died. He was an Overcomer, and was recently diagnosed with lung cancer, although he wasn't a smoker.

It got me thinking about my own circle of friends, especially the d'NAers, because the Overcomers were to my mother what d'NA is to me. A day will come when all of us will die; what if some of us die earlier than we expect?

* * * * *

Thinking of Holy Week, the word 'involved' came to mind this morning (or was it early afternoon?).

One could say Christ got involved with us so that we may get involved with Him.

Hari Ini dalam Sejarah (Part 2): Seri Bintang Utara

It is Good Friday today. Good Friday is all about the grace of God, and this entry is about an experience that had the grace of God written all over it.


Round 3 of the Wira Debate Cup, we were up against Seri Bintang Utara (SBU), defending State Champions of 2003. That year, they finished Seri Hartamas off in the State Finals (Seri Hartamas finished us off in Round 3), and their best speaker, Nik Nadhirah, was still on the team.

So what strategy did we opt for? Of all things, experimentation. The motion was 'Students Should Not be Encouraged to Work Part-Time' and we were the Government. (It should be mentioned here that we only find out which side we're on 60 minutes before the debate, but the topics are given a week in advance.) This was probably the first time I had to debate against my own opinions, as I personally believe students should be encouraged to work part-time.

Given that we had a tricky topic that could be misconstrued to be a discourse on child labour (which it is not), and given our issues with speaker line-up, we decided to move ourselves around a little and experiment with the running order.

Danial, ever confident of his ability to deliver a prepared speech with force, volunteered to go First. It was already decided upon that I would give the Reply Speech, so I had to be either First or Second. Neither Dinesh nor Danial wanted the Third Speaker's burden of rebuttal, but in the end we believed Dinesh was the lesser of two evils, given his experience as an Impromptu speaker at the ISKL SEA Forensics.

The round was at SMK Bukit Bandaraya, in the heart of Dinesh and Kishan territory, and many of their old friends from SK Bukit Bandaraya were there, as well as a few fellow campers from the NSCF Leaders' Camp 2003.

True enough, Danial did not disappoint, and was incredible against SBU's First Speaker. Round 1 to the VI.

On my first outing as the Second Speaker, I delivered one of my finest performances, going one on one against SBU's star debater, Nik Nadhirah. We will always remember my legendary reply to one of her POIs (points-of-information)... unfortunately no one seems to remember what it was about!

However, Dinesh did not fare so well. In fact, his first (and last) appearance as Third Speaker was by and large forgettable: he paced around too much, didn't accept any of the POIs and--if I remember correctly--barely made it to half the time limit. (Of course, in retrospect, we will always remember this occasion simply because in order to learn from mistakes, we must remember what the mistakes were.)

By the end of his speech, we were prepared for a repeat of the previous year when we were knocked out in the Third Round. But it is always good to go down in style, so I went on to deliver the Reply Speech best as I could, and by most counts, it was a decent effort.


In the end? Nadhirah was named Best Speaker (deservedly, considering our lack of organisation and fluidity!) and... we won the round! It should also be added here that we won by one mark, or so the Head Judge said. Whether that meant it was a split decision, i.e. a 2-1 win, or if the mathematical tabulation of the total scores resulted in a difference of one mark, we never found out. But it was a close enough shave.

And from that moment on, we were determined to go all the way to win the State Title. I think it was also on that day that I told the team I'd treat them to Chili's if we won, although I'm not too sure about that.

And... we knew it was back to the drawing board for the speaker line-up!



(Posted at 12:21 AM on Saturday 7 April 2007)

Hari Ini dalam Sejarah (Part 1): Batu Lima

Exactly three years ago, the guy wearing this T-shirt turned seventeen.


Exactly three years ago, the VI debate team won their first round (actually second, because they were given a walkover in the first round when Padang Tembak withdrew) in what would be the VI's best year since 1998, and the best year ever since.

We were up against SMK Batu Lima, debating the motion, 'Stress is Good' (stupid motion, I tell you), and we were the Opposition. In retrospect, it would have been an interesting topic if both teams were strong and the Government came up with a very good case.

Unfortunately, the Government did not (instead, they introduced their Third Speaker as their secret weapon, the atom bomb that would wipe out the Opposition), and both teams obviously struggled to get their bearings.

We fielded Dinesh as First Speaker, Danial as Second and Reply, while I rounded up in Third. This was the order in which we went the previous year, and Kishan remained in the reserve, although I think his title always ought to be Researcher, for that is what he was: the best researcher I have ever encountered.

Besides a difficult trip to SMK Sinar Bintang (we were nearly late, no thanks to the bus driver and the fact that we had no idea where the school was), it was all in all an easy round, and as Third Speaker I comfortably spoke my way to the Best Speaker award that day.

But we had much work to do, mainly because we realised we would never reach the Finals if Danial continued delivering the Reply Speech, and from the previous year's experience, Dinesh didn't want to. To further complicate matters, being Third Speaker, I could not.

And the toughest part was that in the next round, we would face Seri Bintang Utara, defending State Champions. And their best debater was still on the team.


That's a story for next time. For today...


Happy 20th birthday, Dan!

(Yes, he's obsessed with the Chili's ice-cream fudge brownie... I forgot what it's actually called on the menu!)

* * * * *

p.s. For no apparent reason, I thought of the word cakerawala at breakfast this morning. Later I looked it up in the dictionary, and yes, it means 'universe' or 'solar system' as I remember. It's actually one of the more beautiful words in the Malay language, I think. ;-)

Romans 8:28-39 (a timely reminder)

God is on to me.


Today is not the day I wanted it to be, due to some disappointments yesterday. But it simply had to be that the passage I was led to this morning, via Lent Meditations, was one that directly addresses what I'm going through.

And... I just found out (via the Lent Meditations blog), that it was the reading meant for last Friday. I seem to always get it mixed up that Lent began on 21 Feb, not 28 Feb. Which would mean that all my previous entries with reference to the Meditations, were actually one week behind!

Another reason why I think God is on to me; if I followed the proper order, I wouldn't have read the passages I read, the ones which spoke so eloquently to me in those moments of greatest need.


This also happens to be one of my favourite passages in the Bible, and I will intersperse the writings of St Paul with my own thoughts:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

The only compensation I have in light of recent disappointments, is that God works in all things for good, for my good. That He causes all things to work together for good.

That, and the fact that I realised I can borrow CDs from the British Council library. And, being British (not Irish, but close enough), they have a collection of several U2 CDs! I borrowed Boy and U2 Live: Under a Blood Red Sky yesterday.

Too bad, though, that I missed Benjamin Zephaniah, the British Rastafarian poet.

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died--more than that, who was raised to life--is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.

To know that Christ is interceding even when I'm as far removed from any thought of God as possible, is overwhelming. I must remind myself that God will give... in His own time, not mine.

(And believe me, this is one of the hardest things to live by.)

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:

"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

'More than conquerors'. I like that, because it's so grand. And, being grand, is something that is not easy to utter. Every day is an uphill climb to resist, to overcome, to conquer.

Not to conquer new lands, but to prevent the Evil One from conquering land that is not rightfully his. Maybe that is what it means to be 'more than conquerors'.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Amen.


And thank you, Li-Shia. We know that God is on to me, that He is on to us.

Overcomers in Malacca

Once upon a time, in the late 70s, God brought a bunch of teenagers from Petaling Jaya together. They became known as the Overcomers, and carried their ministry far and wide.

As the years passed, they grew up, many got married (some within the group), got jobs, got children... and a fair number kept in touch somehow.

Then on 13 August last year, Uncle Mark and Aunty Boon Kee hosted a reunion for the group in their USJ home. For the first time in many years, many in the group came together under one roof, and were reunited with their mentor from thirty years ago, Pastor Philip Sung.

And then it started. Again.

Old songs were fished out, old photos resurfaced, old memories recollected... some professed a need for more ginkgo. And plans were slowly hatched for a full-scale ministry trip to Malacca, present home and base of Pastor Philip.

Thirty years in the making.

* * * * *

So where do I come in? Well, I happen to be one of the people represented in this group:


The children of the Overcomers (not all are in the picture).

Destined from birth to be a part of this incredible network, we were supposed to follow our parents to Malacca, as the ministry trip was also to be a family trip.

So we did; what choice had we? *wink*

But then it was later revealed that we weren't to just tag along, but had to prepare a performance for the congregation at Pastor Philip's Bethel Church.

After some eighty-odd exchanges via e-mail, we staged the surprise of a lifetime (okay-lah, our lifetime!) for our parents. And the rest is basically history.

Along the way, I realised we glorify God when we do what we do to the best of our abilities. Above all, I learnt that life is like a jam session of mistakes and learning; and I guess this is part of the legacy. After all, let's face it: our parents would have never called life a 'jam session'! ;-)

* * * * *

I won't comment much on the pictures that follow, but there are two things I'd like to clarify, mostly for Zhen Yan and Melissa. I did not use Photoshop (to be honest, I don't know how!), but I did edit the pictures in terms of brightness and contrast. And as is evident, I played with colours a LOT, using another software.

A photographer once remarked that Photoshop (or any digital editing for that matter) should only be used to enhance an image and do what is beyond the scope of the camera, and not to cover up mistakes.

So my approach in the photos I did take (I didn't take all) was certainly not, "Never mind about this mistake lah, can Photoshop."



What is Malacca without dodol?


If only trees in our rainforests could bear these signboards.


Jumping into a rooftop jacuzzi under an orange sky.


Bryan looking very intense in the shower area.


A somewhat illuminated and angelic shot of Zhen Yan. This was taken either by Kevin or Zhen Quan.


One of the most difficult shots on the trip. Lighting was terrible on the beach; after all, a floodlit beach defeats the whole purpose of romantic evenings by the sea. So I had to use long exposure (I think about two seconds).


This is what Eunice, Melissa and Zhen Yan would look like on negative, if I'd used a film camera.


Experimenting on a trishaw-like cart with inverted colours and increased contrast.


The Overcomers... and families!

* * * * *

Lessons learnt from mamak:

Zhen Yan: "Real men wear pink."
Ben: "And real men drink pink."

Shalom

I stopped teaching last week; Wednesday was my last day. Little did I know just how eventful Thursday would be.


It all started in the morning, when Mum and I were treated to a display of incessant barking. We really thought Ryan had lost it, when, lo and behold, we spotted a little bird hobbling across the garden. The dogs, locked in their cage for the previous night, were unable to get to it.

Immediately I rushed to the gate, but by then the little one had hopped out of the garden; it was clearly injured. After chasing it in circles around the bird's nest fern, and coaxing it out--with a broom--from under David's friend's Wira, I finally managed to catch it. So we took it to the backyard and dressed its wounds with Dettol and iodine. It lost nearly all of one wing, and all the feathers near its tail had dropped off, leaving bare its rear half. Must've been a cat at fault.

Sara looked after the bird while Mum and I went, first to school to get the 1119 cert certified, then to the IDP office and the Great Eastern Mall. She fed it some bread, but we doubt it ate any. At Great Eastern, I looked up some books in MPH and successfully identified the bird as Geopelia striata, commonly known as the Peaceful Dove or Zebra Dove.

A dove. On the first day after stopping work.

We decided to leave in in the backyard, but put the pail in a larger basin, which served as a moat to deter ants from getting to the bird. Since morning, we lined the pail with a piece of cloth and put some water in a little dish (the sort of container used for puddings/jelly at the pasar malam). We also gave it a small chunk off a banana, hoping that perhaps fruit might whet its appetite where bread failed to do so, though all in all, it seemed as if what the bird really needed was a good night's rest.

That night, before I went off to bed, I found the basin and pail in the bathroom downstairs; Dad moved it in, I think. Deciding to check on the bird once more, I lifted the basket that was used to cover the pail, and to my utter horror found its head submerged in the water dish.

Either it drowned while trying to drink, or it died and fell headlong into the dish.

* * * * *

I am no vet, but that night I came to terms with something I had been thinking of the whole evening: I was really worried about the bird, and wasn't at all looking forward to leaving it alone at night. So, having secured the moat and placed the basket on top of the pail, I thought it would be safe until the morning, when we could move it to a safer and more conducive environment.

It seems it wasn't sufficient. I said I came to terms; what I mean is that I realised that there are times when we need to keep watch all the time. And I recalled this Donut Man song whose chorus went;

And even though the Good Shepherd counts sheep
He never sleeps, he never sleeps...

* * * * *

The next morning, I stared at the Bible, again clueless as to which passage I should read. So I turned to the Nails and Thorns Lent Meditations list.

Romans 6:1-11.

What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.

--Romans 6:1-4, 10-11 (NIV)

The word 'baptism' leapt out of the page. I thought of the state in which the bird was found dead, submerged in water, and it struck me as being physically and metaphorically similar and symbolic to baptism.

Because in baptism there is water, and there is death. Death of the self to sin.

...Other echoes
Inhabit the garden. Shall we follow?
Quick, said the bird, find them, find them,
Round the corner...

--T.S. Eliot, from 'Burnt Norton' Stave I

Was the bird calling to me? Calling me to follow? To turn my back on sin and live the life God wants me to live?

* * * * *

Could this also be a preview of life as a biologist?

Despite my diminished dreams of becoming a doctor, might I still be called to be a healer?

* * * * *

Rest in peace, dear Peaceful Dove. Till we meet again.

Boy meets girl... and then what?

Confession: I've not been keeping up with the Lent Meditations. But this morning I had no idea where to go in the Bible, so I decided to check the list of Scripture passages in the Lent Meditations schedule. And today's is 1 Corinthians 6:12-20.


"Everything is permissible for me"--but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"--but I will not be mastered by anything. "Food for the stomach and the stomach for food"--but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your body.


Bought with a price. Therefore honour God.

* * * * *

Thoughts after church last night:

Testimonies of deliverance and miracles may seem incredulous and incredible, but if we really believe the truth of the Gospel, can we expect anything less? When Jesus walked on earth, many great things happened.

If Jesus is alive, shouldn't great things still happen?

We need to reclaim the 'legendary' dimension of our faith, simply because the King has yet to return. And it is hard for us to truly believe that this is really our Father's world, because it seems to be running without Him.

But sometimes echoes of another world do shake ours, and we wait. Perhaps Frederick Buechner put it best when he wrote, "Even at our most believing, I think, we have our serious reservations just as even at our most unbelieving we tend to cast a wistful glance over our shoulders."

* * * * *

I'm glad Li-Shia found it. At last.

The pledge remains till this Thursday. I won't forget.

That little (not-so)-last house

One of the most irritating things that can happen to a writer is to lose writing stamina and/or momentum. And this can happen when an idea comes but the writer has no time to write.

* * * * *


It rained on Sports Day, so the tug-o-war and closing ceremony had to be postponed to the Friday before the holidays. All the tents were stripped bare, but we decided not to risk climbing onto the roof to take down the name board. And so Shaw became the last house standing.

And this year, we weren't last as people like to expect. The greatest irony was that Mr Kali kept mocking Shaw on Sports Day with his usual sarcastic "There's no hope for Shaw ah, Benjamin. No matter what you do it will still be last," with an emphasis on the 'last', and in the end, his house (Treacher) finished last.

It was my very last Sports Day, and the one in which I was most involved (with the house). I was glad to make up for missing Sports Day last year due to the Forensics finals, and it was an added bonus to help see Shaw through to a record-breaking year in which we won the March Past and finished Second Runner-up for Tent Decorations.

Also, I discovered that I actually have more stamina than I thought.


The general theme for this year's Sports Day was '50 Tahun Kemerdekaan dari Aspek Kesukanan Negara' or something like that. So we had to think of something patriotic, and with someone like me on board, the last thing I wanted was a stereotypical 'Glory Malaysia' kind of theme.

So we attempted a twist on the idea of independence and decided to use Shaw's colour (red, blood red) to suggest the other side of independence; that behind every grand victory lies unspeakable sacrifice. The flag at Iwo Jima, the photograph of the Japanese samurai sword surrender at the VI, the Tugu Negara: we don't see the blood, the gore, the dust and the destruction. At least, that's not the first thing that comes to mind when considering the nation's 50th anniversary of independence.

As a result, we trashed up our tent, making it look like a half-destroyed army barracks in the aftermath of a battle. And we had to marching boys' costumes spray-painted red for blood. All in all, I think I was very much influenced by the themes underscoring U2's 1983 effort, War, and that's probably where the white came from: the idea that peace is still possible and innocence redeemable.


This was easily the hardest part of the march past: the hormat. Hard because nearly everyone has a different interpretation how to hold the hand up, and because it is executed when the squad is nearest to the audience and judges. We spent some time on Friday (the day before Sports Day) perfecting this command, and believe me, it isn't easy teaching a squad comprising mostly of Form One boys.


But in the end all the effort paid off, and Khin Yew (left) and Shamsul (centre) are certainly very happy, considering all the effort they put in for the March Past. Not to mention Zailaha who resurrected the cadet drill master in her to inspire some discipline in the boys.

And then there's Wei Leng (right) who tirelessly helped out with the Tent Decorations. I do suppose my minimalistic and U2-like metaphorical approach cost us some points, as the winning house (Thamboosamy) boasted styrofoam/cardboard models of the Petronas Twin Towers and the Eye on Malaysia ferris wheel. I wanted something more evocative and less concrete.


A close-up of the trophy we won for the first time (and hopefully not the last).


And here are some of the key players: Shamsul (House Captain, standing), and seated from left to right, Wei Leng, Amirul and Li-Shia, all three of whom brought everything together for the Tent Decorations.

* * * * *

While talking to Li-Shia on Sports Day, I realised that the kind of people we have been inviting as Guests-of-Honour for our major events in the last few years leave much to be desired.

This year, of all people to invite, we had Malaysia's Head Commissioner of Sports. And I'm thinking, shouldn't we get people who actually have something to say about sports, rather than just some big-shots who happen to hold some important office in the country's bureaucratic system?

Let two major VI events, i.e. Speech Day and Sports Day regain their worth. Bring in educationists and scholars (most recently Prof. Kamal Hassan, the IIU Rector, in 2005) for the former, and sportsmen for Sports Day. And please, please let them be Victorians, not some fellow who carries a 'Tan Sri' in front of his name but has no attachment to the school whatsoever.

For if we are to inspire the students in the class and on the field, we need people who have been there and come back again. We need to meet and hear Victorians who have gone on to be successful and academia and athletics alike to bear testimony to the present students; we need to maintain this legacy, being as we are a school rooted in tradition, and no less than the oldest school in the nation's capital.

* * * * *

And in the end, two questions and a statement:

What is the point of this sacrifice?
Why did I swing the stick and pull the wire?

Fillers plug holes where there's a need.

On throwing stones

Sometimes it's about seeing something differently.


Jesus went across to Mount Olives, but he was soon back in the Temple again. Swarms of people came to him. He sat down and taught them.

The religion scholars and Pharisees led in a woman who had been caught in an act of adultery. They stood her in plain sight of everyone and said, "Teacher, this woman was caught red-handed in the act of adultery. Moses, in the Law, gives orders to stone such persons. What do you say?" They were trying to trap him into saying something incriminating so they could bring charges against him.

Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger in the dirt. They kept at him, badgering him. He straightened up and said, "The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone." Bending down again, he wrote some more in the dirt.

Hearing that, they walked away, one after another, beginning with the oldest. The woman was left alone. Jesus stood up and spoke to her. "Woman, where are they? Does no one condemn you?"

"No one, Master."

"Neither do I," said Jesus. "Go on your way. From now on, don't sin."


(John 8:1-11, The Message)

Gems from an encounter with Brian McLaren

That morning, I met up with Brian McLaren at the PJ Hilton while waiting for Sivin and company (i.e. Bob Kee, Kia Meng, Yew Khuen, Jaime Sim). Recognised him from behind, heheh...

There were some interesting thoughts during his session at Seminari Theoloji Malaysia on Monday, 5 March.

For instance, "The turtle was found to be fully functional, and when the ring was removed, it was able to grow into the normal shape."

* * * * *

Dr Voon, during the Conversation segment, remarked on the loss of the relational aspect in our relationships, citing SMS as an example of how we tend to choose the cheapest way to communicate, regardless of relational value.

She also commented that the church has become somewhat utilitarian, wanting people for their abilities but not necessarily for who they are. A typical conversation might go like this:

Church leader: Wow, you're a pianist; you can play piano during worship!
Visitor: Wait a minute... do you want me for me, or for what I can do?

* * * * *

In commenting on shifting worldviews and perspectives, McLaren shared this interesting thought/quote from Max Planck, the great quantum physicist:

"New ideas thrive, not so much because they are good in themselves, but because their enemies die out."

* * * * *

But above all, the words that resonated most with me from that day, were not spoken during the official session (as with all the best thoughts in life), but in the Unser on the way to STM, as we were passing the A&W restaurant.

The conversation had moved to the late Stanley Grenz, who came under much fire because of his opinions, and not many stood by him.

On this, McLaren said, "It's not so much what your enemies say, but the silence of your friends..."


Let us not be silent.

A bit of grace

Why would a sinner like me still want to serve in Christian ministry?

I guess even if I'm bound for hell, with no way to turn back, I would rather have lived well than as if I'd not lived at all.

One of those days... :-(

I don't normally blog to whine about days that go wrong. But yesterday was one of those days; one of those rare days when nothing really goes right.

I only have about ten minutes for this post. If everything goes wrong, perhaps there is some therapy in blogging about it.

* * * * *

I chose to stand in when no one else would.

Missed the conference, missed the friends.

Why am I a filler?

And then the broken sandal.

All that walking; for something. Or nothing.

They took a group photo. We weren't there.

We could have been.

The white pants. What for?

Just to get soaked carrying another's burden.

The heavy rain, the heavy pain.

Washed away. Sluiced away.

The torrents; the mighty torrents.

Two twenties. One fifty.

Seventy forgotten.

Seven. Perfection?

Far from.

Teeming with life forgotten.

No chance to meet.

Has been so long.

So long away and zoning out.

Sweet dinner resting on the teeth.

Coated in saccharine smiles throughout the night.

We hurt each other and we do it again.

Was it worth it?

Worth everything we lost?

Worth having to stop now because of a busy day I don't want?

* * * * *

There is a silence that comes to a house
Where no one can sleep
I guess it's the price of love
I know it's not cheap

~ U2, 'Ultraviolet'

First and Last

The first King and Queen of Narnia are a horse-and-carriage cabby and his wife, none of whom believe they are anything near royal material;

"My children," said Aslan, fixing his eyes on both of them, "you are to be the first King and Queen of Narnia."

The Cabby opened his mouth in astonishment, and his wife turned very red.


But the Great Lion Aslan builds the Cabby up by giving him a set of charges, to each of which he responds well; the last of the charges is this:

"And if enemies came against the land (for enemies will arise) and there was war, would you be the first in the charge and the last in the retreat?"

"Well, sir," said the Cabby very slowly, "a chap don't exactly know till he's been tried. I dare say I might turn out ever such a soft 'un. Never did no fighting except with my fists. I'd try--that is, I 'ope I'd try--to do my bit."

"Then," said Aslan, "you will have done all that a King should do. Your coronation will be held presently..."



Two days to the 104th Annual Sports Day of the VI.

Along the way...

Dinosaur tooth? Extremely large canine?

* * * * *

I used to think 'troubleshooting' was a game. Whenever I saw the word in a manual, I thought it was a guide to some arcade-style shooting game.

Imagine what it must've been like when, to my disappointment, I learnt that Microsoft Word (and most other programmes for that matter) didn't have guns and bad guys!

* * * * *

There is an ongoing debate between Young Earth Creationists (YECs) and basically all other scientists on the age of the earth.

The YECs claim the earth is no older than 10,000 years, citing 6,000 as a pretty good estimate. This is based on a literal reading of Genesis 1, and thus also pegs the universe at about the same age, since everything we see was created within six days, literally speaking.

On the other hand, the position generally accepted by the scientific community is that the universe is about 14 billion years old, based on readings of electromagnetic waves from outer space and light travel from distant stars.

For the most part, I do not find it difficult to believe that the universe is truly billions of years old. But this is not because I think science is more real or rational than the Bible. Rather, I think both the Bible and science require a more mystical approach; neither should be understood in merely literal terms.

Blame the poet in me.

The universe is 14 billion years old simply because it sounds more legendary that way. God created everything in six days... whatever that means. There is a sense of the unknown in both God and the universe, a sense of the mystical and incomprehensible that lends a sense of awe to the truth of our very origins.

I like science, not because it is more real than myth, but because it is more mystical. It is only the arrogance of science that conveys the illusory idea that science must be more true.

And I believe in God, because the last word does not belong to science or faith or reason. Real beings do not trace their origins to ideas, and if I am a real being, then there is a real-er being out there. If an idea is the ultimate truth, then I am also an idea, a nothing, a mere phantom that fades like a wisp of smoke in thin air.

* * * * *

The picture above is of an albino cili padi grown by the Pehs of Taman Paramount in PJ.

Mirrored

The first of the 1987 'Overcomers' and one of the original 1970s Overcomers, both born on the same day.

Collision of generations; here, now, and soon to be, Malacca.

Happy 20th birthday, Laura!
Happy 48th birthday, Aunty Jenny!

* * * * *

This shot was inspired by Laura's idea to use the fake window frame mirror at Uncle Lawrence's for some episodes of posing and cam-whoring, after which we decided to throw entire families into the frame, literally!


Technical details:

Taken with the Nikon D50, using the SB-600 speedlight as an indirect flash. ISO 200, aperture F5.6, shutter speed 1/20s and focal length 48mm. Brightness later reduced to -20 and contrast increased to +20 using the Minolta DiMAGE Viewer software.

The modelling Liews:

Uncle Franky
Aunty Jenny
Laura

Charity and Chastity

Blame it on the calendar; Valentine's Day and Ash Wednesday fall on consecutive Wednesdays this year.

The two occasions could not be more unlike each other. One is an extravagant celebration of love (often more extravagance than love), while the other is an austere commemoration of sacrifice. The one a no-holds-barred romp through commercialisation, and the other a much calculated preparation for the most solemn event in history.

And now to link the two in a single blog entry...

* * * * *

We were supposed to have dinner at Madam Kwan's, KLCC. But due to some unforeseen circumstances, we ended up at Kinrara mamak in Sri Petaling.

Just a week prior to Valentine's Day, we visited the place for the first (and only) time and ordered a bandung suam. When we returned on Valentine's, one of the mamak approached me and asked, "Bandung panas, boss?"

Either they have photographic memory or my peculiar dining habits seem to leave an impression.

Away from classy dining and everything else Valentine's Day stands for, it was nonetheless a memorable night out and one that fostered culinary bonds between Cheras and Sri Petaling!

Just for fun, we asked if they could make ghee tosai in the shape of a heart. The mamak laughed and said it would be difficult as the tosai would stick to the pan, and there wouldn't be enough time to sculpt/mould it. So they prepared normal tosai for us to cut ourselves.

Seeing that our efforts were in vain, a number of mamak congregated around the pan in an attempt to do what they claimed they couldn't. After several failed batches of wasted batter, they decided to use roti canai dough instead. Preparing a mould using newspaper, they finally succeeded in producing this:


The next night, when we walked past the same shop, one of the mamak waved at me.

It is final: the dinosaur's footprint remains in Sri Petaling.

* * * * *


Lent begins today. Sucker for symbolism that I am, this picture reminds me of the Incarnation, of the Word made flesh. Yes, I know sirap limau ais isn't exactly wine, but it's close enough.

I wonder if the Lord's Supper might've been different if Jesus and the Disciples ate at a 24-hour mamak joint.

And is there a connection between the generally secular celebration of human love and the sacred remembrance of divine love?

* * * * *


I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.

--Psalm 130:5 (NIV)

[Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

--1 Corinthians 13:7 (NIV)

Thanks, Miss Shanti.

* * * * *

There is an account in the Bible (Mark chapter 10) of a rich young man, often referred to as the 'rich young ruler', who asks Jesus what he must do in order to inherit eternal life. Jesus quotes to him the commandments of the Mosaic Law.

"Teacher," he declared, "all these I have kept since I was a boy."

Jesus looked at him and loved him. "One thing you lack," he said. "Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

At this the man's face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth.


When in the Bangsar Shopping Centre (BSC) yesterday, I saw a poster in The Body Shop that said all profits from sale of the new Rougeberry eau de toilette would go to the fight against AIDS.

It reminded me of something I read about charity some time ago, about how charity has become commercialised. About how all kinds of companies pledge to give amounts like 10% or 20% when that kind of amount actually makes no difference to the company.

I'm not criticising The Body Shop; in fact, I think quite a number of their ideals are indeed commendable. I'm just wondering, what's the point of giving to a cause when the gift is only a small portion of a great excess? Why only profits from the 'special edition' Rougeberry (I bought it before this campaign was launched, so profits from my purchase will not go to it) and not profits from all sales?

Granted, The Body Shop is not a philanthropic NGO, but perhaps multinational, multimillion-dollar companies could set a better example. Microsoft can give 90% of all that it owns away, and Bill Gates would still have enough to support his offspring for several generations.

On the way out of BSC, there was a lady asking for donations on behalf of an organisation--I cannot remember what. I was in a hurry and declined. Yet I've given on so many occasions; as long as I have something to give and there are people in need, this will not end.

All this about giving. And giving. And giving. To what limit?

Jesus is unequivocal: everything. Or at least, enough to actually make you realise that security is not to be found in what you have, but Who has you.

And I fall short.


(By the way, the Rougeberry e.d.t. is probably one of the best Body Shop products I've encountered in some time.)

* * * * *


What then of Lent?

What of that perennial talk of balance between passion and purity?

Or, in my immediate context, of charity and chastity?


Today's Lent Meditation is on Hebrews 12:1-14, and this is the epic chapter of exhortation that follows the epic discourse of faith in Hebrews 11, and it begins like this:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

--Hebrews 12:1-2 (NIV)

But I ask, what if the great cloud is only one witness? And I'm not talking about the One witness, for He is always there. But what if there is only one witness? Is it reason enough to keep running? Reason enough to throw everything away and follow the One Voice?

Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. "Make level paths for your feet," so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.

--Hebrews 12:12-13 (NIV)

Strengthen your weak knees. Heal the lame. Too close for comfort.

Too good to be true.

Or as Max Lucado would say, too good... it has to be true.

* * * * *

At this time of the year especially, I never fail to be reminded of T.S. Eliot's poem 'Ash Wednesday'. Not just because of the title, but also because it is one of his best (and one of my favourites), parallelling his work in Four Quartets in terms of structure and substance.

Some excerpts that seem surprisingly real and relevant this year:

Because these wings are no longer wings to fly
But merely vans to beat the air
The air which is now thoroughly small and dry
Smaller and dryer than the will
Teach us to care and not to care
Teach us to sit still.

Pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death
Pray for us now and at the hour of our death.

...

Even among these rocks,
Our peace in His will
And even among these rocks
Sister, mother
And spirit of the river, spirit of the sea,
Suffer me not to be separated

And let my cry come unto Thee.


There is something of love in both the experience of Valentine's Day and Lent. And love is not cheap.

Only in Mark's Gospel is it written that Jesus loved the rich young man. Matthew and Luke do not record such words, and John does not record the account at all. Why did Mark include how Jesus felt about the man?

And then Eliot's poem. There's something painful in it, something that is echoed also in U2's 'One'.

This doesn't sound like it's about love. But it is. The hands of love that made things as they are, that are making things as they should be. The hands that bring us together, the same ones that drive us apart. Moulding, making, shaping... like the mamak, only so much more. The hands that work till they bleed.

In a ring of never-ending hope incarnate in never-ending drudgery, the ones who are our Valentines and the ones for whom we wait... one and the same.


Suffer me not to be separated

And let my cry come unto Thee.

A little bit of this year's ISKL Forensics

We were the last name on the first Rafidah Aziz shield.

And thanks to this year's team, we are also the first on the new one:


Indeed I was thrilled to win the shield as a participant last year, and again as a coach/judge this year. The VI is also now the only school to have won the shield in consecutive years.


Kishan returned to judge (he, Miss Shanti and I judged Original Oratory finals) and Fang Hai made history this year by being the first ever Victorian to enter three Finals in the same tournament. He went through to the Finals for Extemporaneous Speaking, Imromptu Speaking and Oral Interpretation.

In contrast, the previous most illustrious speaker from the VI (guess who) never made it to more than one Final in any given year.

Our actors, on the other hand, have had much more success in the Finals, with a good number making it to both Solo and Duet Acting Finals (and also winning medals) in some years. Gustave was in both Finals last year and this year.

One of the best things about judging was that I finally had my revenge on the exorbitant prices charged by the ISKl's canteen; judges are served an incredible array of excellent food (for free!) in the Tournament Headquarters, and the canteen staff wheel in new dishes at regular intervals!


(I'm not quite sure who the man is, but he could be Robert Carrelli, who once taught Val Kilmer and Kevin Spacey.)

Thoughts on Heaven and My Handphone

While at Sri Petaling Maju mamak restaurant with Li-Shia on Thursday, we overheard a conversation between what I think was a Muslim cleric and a Muslim layperson. We sat in the open, and these two guys had a rather animated discussion going on, with the cleric doing most of the talking.

The cleric said, "Di syurga kita boleh buat apa-apa. Tak ada larangan." It means, "We can do anything we want in heaven. There are no restrictions."

I believe this is true, but also something that is often misunderstood, for many take it to mean that there is endless liberty in heaven and so we can backstab all we want, or beat a person as much as we want because there will be no pain in heaven, or something else that is no less self-indulgent.

What we often miss, I think, is the fact that heaven is not easy to enter. Jesus said the path is narrow, and not many can walk this path. It's like saying we can do anything on top of Mount Everest; but how many can actually make it to the summit?

Only the righteous will enjoy heaven. Hanya yang beriman. Which is few, if any, of us. Least of all me. Am I becoming the sort of person who will enjoy heaven? I recall a metaphor from Brian McLaren's The Last Word and the Word After That; he suggested that the fires of heaven may be hotter than the fires of hell, and only those who were tried and true could endure heaven.

So yes, we can do anything we want in heaven. But will we, in the first place, make it safely through the Gate who is Jesus Christ?

* * * * *

On Tuesday, 6 February, my handphone flew out of my hand onto the drive-through lane outside Aquaria. It landed hard on the ground and broke into pieces. Thankfully, it didn't actually shatter, but the battery, keypad and cover were instantly dismantled and scattered over the pavement.

My grip on my handphone is nothing compared to God's grip on us. Though we shatter, he can and will mend us.

By the way, this testifies also to the hardiness of the Nokia 3100. Or maybe it is simply the grace of God and nothing else. Whatever the case, it is a miracle. No less.

Thoughts on the disciple who left the boat

Yesterday, Pastor Vincent preached on 'stepping out', drawing on the account of Peter stepping out of the boat and walking on water. (Matthew 14:22-33)

It so happens that I spoke on the same thing in my Impromptu speech (2nd Round) at the 2005 ISKL Forensics, the year I won the Silver in that event. The prompt was a quote (source identified by Pastor Vincent: John Ortberg) that went, "If you want to walk on water, you've got to get out of the boat."

In the account in the Gospels, Peter cries out into the storm, "Lord, if it is you, tell me to come to you on the water." And Jesus replies, "Come." Of course, there is a storm blowing, so it should be rendered, "COME!!!"

And what follows is probably one of the most dramatic episodes in the Gospels, throwing theologians and scientists alike into heated debate; the former about who really was the 'ye of little faith', Peter or the other disciples, and the latter about how on earth it could be possible to walk on water.

But what stands out most, to me, about this account is how it paints a portrait of Peter, the leader of the Twelve. Despite Peter's many apparent failures, Jesus still used him to lead the church.

Consider the account in John 21. This time the sea is calm, and the fishermen have caught nothing. Then Jesus calls out to them and tells them to try the other side of the boat. They do, and miraculously the fish fill the nets to breaking point. Instantly, John realises it is Jesus;

Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, "It is the Lord!" As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, "It is the Lord," he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water. The other disciples followed in the boat, towing the net full of fish, for they were not far from shore, about a hundred yards. When they landed, they saw a fire of burning coals there with fish on it, and some bread.

Jesus said to them, "Bring some of the fish you have just caught."

Simon Peter climbed aboard and dragged the net ashore. It was full of large fish, 153, but even with so many the net was not torn. Jesus said to them, "Come and have breakfast."

So yes, these are the disciples who turned their backs on Jesus (with the exception of John) after the last supper. And here they are, being invited to breakfast by the One they had betrayed. Crazy grace. Crazier still when you consider the parallel between this account and a similar one earlier in the Gospels.

No, not the account of Luke 5:1-11, in which another miraculous catch is recorded, followed by the decision of Peter and company to follow Jesus. In terms of event and plot, yes, Luke 5 bears striking resemblance to John 21. But that's not the issue here, I think. Somehow I get the impression that Jesus wasn't trying to make a point about fish. There was something else.

The parallel account seems to be Matthew 14:22-33. On the stormy sea, Jesus calls out to Peter and Peter climbs out of the boat and into the water. On the morning of the breakfast, Jesus doesn't call Peter; he wraps his garment around him and JUMPS out of the boat. Jumping out of the boat a second time and getting wet that he may see the Lord.

In the first episode, Peter is hesitant but nonetheless trusts his Lord. In the second episode, he is eager to meet the One... he betrayed. I wonder, what made Peter so eager to see Jesus that second time? Of course, there was no storm. But while the other disciples slowly steered the boat to shore, Peter was swimming like there was no tomorrow towards Jesus.

I wonder what Jesus felt, to see the boat in the distance and this disciple, this Peter, swimming towards Him.

Jesus knew that in Peter, He had found someone who dared get out of the boat, someone who would not be afraid to brave hell itself if only to get a glimpse of his Master. Would Jesus find someone like that in us?

Just a few random strands...

Soo Tian and I have proven that it is indeed possible to cam-whore with and SLR camera:


Things like this kept me going during my National Service stint:


* * * * *

Teaching is good job, especially if you are uncertain about what the future holds.

I guess I'm learning to live day by day, and in teaching there is rhythm, but not so much of it that it becomes drudgery. Just enough rhythm to provide momentum to keep moving, but not enough to crush the soul. Or maybe I just haven't been teaching long enough.

There are deadlines, certainly, but perhaps it is the nature of education that provides the inspiration to teach: education is a lifelong journey, not a quest towards some examination at the end of the school year.

I don't know what lies ahead, where God will call me... but when the time comes I will know. I believe I will know.

Mercy

Something happened at the KL/PJ SCF Leaders' Convention at the Methodist Boys' School (MBS) this morning that greatly disturbed me.

My friend, Pei Wern, the immediate past president of Pudu Girls' School's Christian Fellowship, was turned away at the registration counter because she was wearing jeans. The rules did not allow for jeans.

But the thing is, virtually the entire worship team was wearing jeans due to an error in communication!

And not only that, Michelle Chan was also wearing jeans. Michelle was the president of Assunta's CF in 2004 (my year) and was part of the Convention committee then. She then went to the MBS for Form Six, and was also present at last year's Convention. She, of all people, should have been aware of the dress code.

Mrs Lim Hean Hwa, one of the advisory teachers of the MBS's CF, explained her predicament to me; "If we let her in, then we'll have to do the same for others wearing jeans." And of course, they want to make sure they make a good impression so that the school will be more favourably disposed towards such events in the future.

But my contention is this: it's not fair to turn someone away, while others who have committed the same offence get in scot-free simply because they are part of the programme (for example the worship team) or because they are ex-students of the school who are helping out (like Michelle).

I'd put it this way:

Pardon one, pardon all
Or pardon not at all

When Jesus told the thief who hung beside Him, "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise," He tells that to every hanging criminal who turns to Him. Jesus practised no partiality, so why should we?

Besides, it is always better to err on the side of mercy and grace than that of legalism. As some would put it; when in doubt, obey the spirit of the law over its letter.

* * * * *


Bought this book from MPH today. Something which looks like a very promising read! (Can't say the same for the green book Shern Ren bought, though *wink*)

I like the idea that the DNA molecule is pictured on a stained glass motif on the front cover.

d'NA. DNA.

Who knows what the future holds?

Might this be my destiny?

Caught // 270107

Sometimes I feel so
powerless to resist these
dark desires, acting

in ways that would shock
those who know me and it is
just so hard to stand.


(By Ali Sufian bin Ali Katib)