Saturday, March 06, 2010

One side of a TIME magazine envelope

I am not deluded, I am not confused as far as my passions are concerned. How I came to sound so enthusiastic this morning, I have no idea. I am no green activist -- I do not think I have the perseverance to campaign for the things these people do.

Perhaps I am unrealistic, for realistically, how do I find a place where I can develop and pursue my passions free of distractions?

And then there is love. Can I love one who does not share the same beliefs as I do? If indeed we are all destined for the earth, and if our purpose of living is to make this world a better place, are there not many who share this vision? How much more different is the rest of humanity from the fractured souls that constitute the 'church of God'?

But one problem complicates it all: the fine line drawn between talent and calling, or from one to the other. What if one's calling and talents tend in different directions?

We are creatures made of heart and reason; but love and logic are not always in agreement. It may be reasonable to argue that a less desirable path be taken for the greater good of another, like when a mother gives up her job for her children. But what if there are no such variables?

If the individual must decide (all other things being equal) whether to heed what sounds like a calling, or whether to pursue the innermost, truest desires of the heart, what shall the decision be?

"Solitaire's the only game in town
And every road that takes him takes him down."

Is life a stalemate, a deadlock from which there is no escape? Is it foolishness to love one who may never love in return? Is it meaningless for a kite to fly in the breeze, even if it's actually going nowhere?

I want to believe that God does not provide talent that it may atrophy, nor that He allows love to prompt and then request it be denied.

I want to believe in God. I want to believe God.

Help me to believe.


Suit Lin said...

Your plight is so similar to mine a year ago.

I pray and hope that God will come through for you. That your logic will give you the reason to and your heart will give you the trust to wait on him.

For I have stared into this fork and felt that it was unfair for God to cause me such grief. I also knew that should I have to choose either one I would be bitter. Such bitterness I do not need in my life.

So I did not wait. I started paving my own path. I left God at that very fork. I no longer believed.

I know God always come through in the long run. I just don't have the tenacity nor space inside my small heart to sit around and wait in a deadlock. I'm not sure it's worth it for myself to wait for him.

But I hope your heart is bigger than mine. And you have already found worth in your walk with God :)

Be well.

Adrian Benjamin Lim said...

I may be lost myself, but God has showed that He indeed knew what he was doing...

I don't see waiting as doing nothing and rotting. (easy to say but that's what I've been doing lately) all of us fail...
we think we can love others more or deserve more but if we are really tested..we fail..

I guess we can't complain and have to turn to Jesus, who set the example...
anyway,that was what I just heard last nite..and also experienced my failure to love just the nite before..

Though i feel I'm quite off-topic..nvmla..just wanted to drop something after not reading blogs for quite some time