From Shanti with Love

I couldn't bear deleting many of the SMSes Miss Shanti sent me, and some I sent her. So I'm going to 'store' them here. It'll probably seem like some pages torn out of a diary.


7 Jan 2005 (Shanti)
"Sweetheart, it'll be nice if you could get those whom I've taught or worked with in V.I. to visit my class of 79-80's website at http://www.ua3b.com. One of the many best things that I've done for myself -- reunite with ol' pals. Everyday is a new chapter."

17 Feb 2005 (Shanti)
"Love is patient and kind. It does not envy or boast, nor is it proud. It is not rude, selfish, or easily angered. It is forgiving. It does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. It always protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Cor 13:4-8. An all time favourite of mine from the Bible. I've always believed in your ability... And these past few years in your commitment to our cause. You will do us proud and whatever the outcome as a team tomorrow... You have my utmost respect. My sincere appreciation for all the assistance you have provided me simply because we are Victorians. With hugs and God bless. Rock that theatre tomorrow!"

[She quoted my paraphrase of the Corinthians passage. This was sent the night before I won the Silver Medal at the 2005 Forensics. 'We' refers to the V.I. Literary and Debating Society (VILADS).]

14 Jan 2006 (Shanti)
"You did address the issue well... Religious, historical knowledge does aid with application of ideas and philosophies to current scenario. Liked the way you rated the order of importance of issues that'll ensure the peace process continues. I foresee you as one of Malaysia's/World's thinking and visionary minds Ben. God bless and thank you for being a part of my life. Teach."

[This was after I gave an extemporaneous speaking demo to several juniors. The topic given by Miss Shanti was regarding Ariel Sharon and peace in Palestine. That very afternoon, Sharon appeared on the TIME magazine I received through the mail. Sharon would later be one of the topics for the Extemp Finals. I received the SMS while in my grandparents' house. 'Teach' here means 'teacher', not some encouragement to teach in the future.]

21 Jan 2006 (Shanti)
"Decisions made early in life saw you through the number of rounds you got through over the years and I believe that progress and advancement does come with years, age and experience. My advanced congratulations to you Ben. You will always be a pleasure to work and have discussions with. But of course... most of all to be with as a friend near and dear to me. Forever in my mind and treasured in my heart. Not flesh of my flesh but near the same. God bless."

[I was commenting on the fact that I gave more and more speeches at the Forensics each year, indicating my continuous improvement over the years. From 2 in 2002, through 4 in 2003, 6 in 2004, to 7 in 2005. This year, I gave 10 speeches in total, out of the 12 possible (which I also desired very much) had I reached the Finals in all events.]

24 Feb 2006 (Ben)
"This is the 29th Forensics Tourney, and tomorrow, I'll be giving my 29th speech in 5 years. Really full circle, no? I began in the deep end, and now I'm back. Eliot comes to mind ;-) 'By the grace of God, I am what I am, and his grace was not in vain.' -- 1 Corinthians 15:10. Thanks for seeing us through, Teach!"

[The 'deep end' is Extemporaneous Speaking, considered one of the hardest, if not the hardest event in the Forensics.]

24 Feb 2006 (Shanti)
"Speechless and teary eyed for the myriad blessings I have been showered with. I love you all dearly from the bottom of my heart... Have little incandescent shrines built in there for all 22 of you eternally. Take care and shine bright tomorrow. Teach always."

[Sent as a reply to my SMS (see above) on the night before this year's Forensics Finals. I would go on to win a Gold Medal, and our team of twenty-two would be crowned Overall Champions.]

27 Feb 2006 (Shanti)
"Know you are writing the report for the Forensics without me asking. Ben, it's an unwritten request that's in both our hearts. I would like for nothing better than for you to write the report as an outgoing gesture. A move to different pastures but never our of our lives at V.I... mine especially... 'Sides I'm in awe of you and your fluidity with words with hearts attached to them... each and every one. You'll be publishing your novels and persuading the citizenry of the world with your spoken and written word. That I be alive to see that day is my only wish Ben mine. Much loved and ever cherished. God bless and hugs..."

1 Mar 2006 (Shanti)
"I absolutely love it B! Short of screaming out in joy and peace of course! What you wrote is etched in my heart... my whole being actually. How we feel, how we think, how we jot our thoughts with love, conviction and in life-giving blood... effusive... the only way to go... body, soul, mind and heart! You are worth more to me than any precious entity. Love always."

[After I gave her the book The Case for Peace as a thank-you gift. I chose it because it comments on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict -- something that has 'extemp' written all over it. And 'Shanti' means 'peace' in Tamil (or is it Hindi?)]

29 Mar 2006 (Shanti)
"Believe you addressed your conversational piece of writing in as wholesome a manner as possible. 'I/in this case its you bud forth delights like the vine.' Ecclesiasticus. Ben, never doubt that a small group of committed citizens can make a difference; indeed, it is the only thing that ever really has. Margaret Mead. -- Always, Teach and peace to the world."

[A comment on my essay for the Malaysian Scientific Association's essay-writing competition, themed 'Science for Humanity.' Results aren't out yet at present. I'm not sure what the Ecclesiasticus quote means.]

31 Mar 2006 (Shanti)
"Simply 'cause it's your year and God has worked his plan via his vicegerents to see the silver lining and the golden aura at the end of your life as a student at V.I. and to see that both glows grow in intensity and remain with you beyond your lifetime... And to be remembered where it all started."

[I asked her, "Why is everything this year on science and shalom?" (My Oratory piece for the Forensics was on grace and peace; my Extemp Finals topic was on stability within the Muslim community in Iraq; the NST-LimKokWing essay topic was on scientific advances; the upcoming INTI-Kojadi essay competition is on inter-racial friendship and peace in our pluralistic society.) 'To be remembered where it all started' is probably a reference to our favourite T.S. Eliot lines in the fifth stave of 'Little Gidding.']

31 Mar 2006 (Shanti)
"You are to some extent a product of science and to a great extent a blessing of God... and you're definitely living a life of shalom... So blessed to be a part of your life Ben. Hugs."

[Here, she's referring to the Hebrew meaning of 'shalom,' which is deeper than the 'peace' commonly understood by most people. Hence, I can safely say that the life I'm living is in actuality far from this 'shalom.']

1 Apr 2006 (Ben)
"Nay, 'tis not shalom yet; till we behold the sun that never sets. Tho' all seems said and done, there arise new peaks i' th' midst of familiar scenery ;-) Hugs back."

[This was a reply to her SMS above. 'New peaks in the midst of familiar scenery' was a phrase used by a critic to describe U2's How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb. The English used in this SMS was influenced by Shakespeare's Hamlet, which I was reading at that time.]

22 Apr 2006 (Shanti)
"Nothing great has ever been started by a committee... And as George Bernard Shaw once said, 'Progress is in the hands of unreasonable individuals.' -- How you made me rethink that which I so believed in Ben. You are much admired... by me of course! Hugs."

[She sent this on Saturday, the end of the Great God Experiment week. I eventually used the Shaw quote in my essay for the NST-LimKokWing essay competition. One of the things I fear is that she supports me a little too much, to the extent that she's almost always biased in my favour. And it's so dangerous, because I've been wrong so many times.]

22 Apr 2006 (Shanti)
"The art of... and the artiste -- whether writer, actor or any other productive practitioner -- may seem unreasonable, bordering on the absurd even but eventually reaping masterpiece of the best he or she has to offer. How picturesque you are with words..."

[An immediate follow-up to the previous SMS. Somehow, the past few weeks have been really, really 'experimental.' It's been a year of trials, experiments, tests, mistakes and failures. And it's not over yet. Sometimes I'm so afraid of tomorrow.]

2 May 2006 (Ben)
"A verse om the Bible: 'Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not be weary, they will walk and not faint.' Someone once said that the last part says the most: for sometimes all we can do is walk, just putting one foot ahead of the other. The hope is that God's strength is perfected in our weakness. Hemingway: The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. Rest well, Teach. Grace and peace be with you."

[She was so tired and worn out after spending virtually sleepless days on end, preparing for the Drama Prelims. And most of the teachers who were supposed to help her, hardly did. I will remember the tears and the prayer and the hug in the Bilik Bestari.]

2 May 2006 (Shanti)
"How I love you Ben and more so the Lord who gave me you. Will do. Still not home."

[This was her reply to my SMS.]

3 May 2006 (Shanti)
"Hi Sweetheart, have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones. And when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, in sleep in peace. God is awake. Victor Hugo. Make up your mind not to worry beforehand how you will give yourselves. For I will give you words and wisdom that none of your adversaries will be able to resist or contradict... not a hair of your head will perish. By standing firm you will save yourselves. Luke 21:14-18 NIV. Grace and peace be with you Ben mine."

[This was meant as an encouragement in the wake of yesterday's tumultous events.]