That all my kingdoms fall...

Only about 36 hours remain till the National School Christian Fellowship (NSCF) Leaders' Camp, and I am reminded of two years ago, when it all began for me.

Back then I was a much simpler person, engaged only in studies, the school Christian Union and some forays into the literary world. But NSCF opened up a whole new world for me, most of all where people were concerned. All of a sudden, I got to know people from across the country, including a music fanatic from Alor Setar and a lame joker from Singapore.

Above all, it opened the door into d'NA, via Yoshua. Before I knew it, I was absorbed into a community like none other, and I was constantly being challenged by spiritual dimensions then alien to me.

Two years down the road, I have been transformed, in no small measure by the people I met through these camps, into a blogger, photographer, amateur theologian and philosopher.

But the learning process has been a difficult one. I remember going into d'NA Stage One, very confident of my exceptional thinking ability (or so I thought), and then later concluding that critical thinking isn't everything. Now I have come to realise that none of what we have really matters; God simply wants us to give ourselves wholly to him--all that we are and ever hope to be--for his glory and not ours.

I was reading C.S. Lewis' essays 'Membership' and 'A Slip of the Tongue.' The former was concerned with our membership in the mystical body of Christ, while the latter (also his very last) discussed the necessity of seeking the things eternal. But both had in common the thread of yielding to God, abandoning ourselves completely to him, that we may be made truly ourselves.

The path of learning, of being humbled and broken by God, has taught me never to be overconfident of my abilities, but to surrender them to him, that in him alone they may find their true meaning and purpose.

And so, although this year I attend NSCF as a senior, with much experience and knowledge under my belt, I remain fully aware that I have much to learn from God and from my fellow campers and officers. In this race, I am constantly challenged by those who are lesser than me, especially in their simplicity and youthful zeal.

The words of Clay Crosse's song 'I Surrender All' (written by Regie Hamm and David Moffitt) keep reminding my of what it means to be a God-follower, to be an apprentice of Christ (incidentally this year's NSCF theme). I quote the song in part:

If the source of my ambition
Is the treasure I obtain
If I measure my successes
On a scale of earthly gain

If the focus of my vision
Is the status I attain
My accomplishments are worthless
And my efforts are in vain

So I lay aside these trophies
To pursue a higher crown
And should you choose somehow
To use the life I willingly lay down

I surrender all the triumph
For it's only by Your grace
I relinquish all the glory
I surrender all the praise

I surrender all
My silent hopes and dreams
Though the price to follow
Costs me everything
I surrender all
My human soul desires
If sacrifice requires
That all my kingdoms fall
I surrender all